Sharing my heart.

This blog post is not going to be my typical style of post.

I guess I am going to be a little vulnerable today and share with you what is on my heart.  My heart is full of mixed emotions and thoughts, so you may want to grab a cup of coffee or, in my case, a Pepsi, because this may take a while.

A friend on facebook shared a link to a blog that I finally had enough courage to start reading.   Carinda, from Following Closely, shares her story.  At this point in her life the story is this:  She and her husband have 3 girls, and 8 months ago adopted an 11-year-old boy from the Ukraine.   A week ago her precious son had flu symptoms, decided to take  a shower, and while in the shower he died.  He had had a bicycle accident a day or two previously and, unknown to them, ruptured his duodenum (where the stomach connects to the small intestine).

I read her blog as she shared her family’s struggles with the unexpected tragedy.  Her heart is broken, but if you read her blog her faith never waivers.  She holds strong to her passion for God.  Her faith is incredible and very solid.

My husband and I have been blessed with 3 boys, and I might add, they are ALL BOY!  Today I woke at 4 a.m. thinking of this family that just lost their son.  I decided to get up and spend time talking to my God and praying for the Kerr family.  Through tears, I poured my heart, my struggles, my worries, and my concerns to Him.

Then I ended my quiet time with thanking Him and focusing on what I have been blessed with.   Although it is not a mansion and still needs a lot of work, our house is paid for.  My boys are healthy.  They have a Pa and Memo who adore them, as well as aunts, uncles and cousins that like to spend time with them.

My husband has a job, is faithful to me, is the best daddy in the world, and loves to spend time with his boys.  He never leaves the house or hangs up the phone without telling me he loves me.

I have a step granddaughter that makes me laugh.  She always changes my washer settings and I don’t figure it out until after a load runs.  She makes my heart dance when I hear her call me Grammie Chel, and she has a laugh that is sweet music to my ears.

After trying to pull myself together, I decided to do some cleaning.  As I was trying to get sticker glue off my refrigerator while wondering why the boys insist on putting stickers on the fridge, I started thinking.

If I lost my son, would sticker glue be a big deal?  I would want my refrigerator covered in sticker glue.  If I had lost my son, I would long for the toy cars all over the floor, muddy boots by the door after exploring in the creek, loud boy noises from daybreak until sunset, and hearing “Mommy, can we play a game?” when I feel I have 1,000 other things I need to do.  I would long for the finger prints on my freshly cleaned windows, construction vehicles in my plant dirt, and “Mama, don’t you think ice cream for breakfast would be fun?”.  I would long for crayfish in my sink and the giggles as they try to scare me by putting rubber bugs on my pillow.

I need to stop and think.  If I lost my son tomorrow, would what I am about to get upset over and lose my temper about today be worth it?

I need to focus on the things that matter, the things and people who will help shape and mold my boys into who they will become and how they will care for others.  Not dwell on the pesky things that happen because I have 3 very busy boys.

What if it was your husband you lost quickly without warning?  Would the last words you said to each other comfort you or tear your heart out?  When your marriage gets hard, don’t give up.  Get out dating pictures, wedding images, and letters.  Remember why you first fell in love and started on the journey of  life together.  Does it matter if you don’t care for his shirt or he doesn’t vacuum like you do?

My husband’s family just lost a relative without warning.  He was in his middle 50″s.  He was a husband, dad, grandpa, uncle, cousin and friend.  He was expected to be here tomorrow.  My hope for his family is that the last words exchanged with his wife and kids were healthy and uplifting.  That the last memory his wife has of him is a smile on his face after he said,”I love  you.”

I mentioned earlier that during my quiet time, through tears, I poured my heart out to God.  Asking His forgiveness for taking so many blessings for granted.  Asking for His help when I struggle to be the wife and mom He meant for me to be and fall short.  Asking for His help when I worry about my business or it consumes me, and my family is put on the back burner.  Asking Him to help me set my priorities when I get more concerned about what people think of me rather than what God thinks of me.

I have such a sadness for the Kerr family, even though I don’t know them.  You see, my husband and I lost a son.  His name was Seth.  Although we did not have our son for 8 months, I carried him for 18 weeks.   We never interacted with him,  never heard him laugh, cry or say,”I love you”  We did, however, hold his little 6 inch perfect body in our hands, talk to him, and say goodbye.  I can’t imagine the feelings Carinda and her family are dealing with now.

I am thankful that the faithfulness and love that Carinda openly shares about  her relationship with God has given me the desire to evaluate my own life and the things that are important to me.

Thanks for listening so long.  I hope you are encouraged enough to play a game with your kids or put a love note in your husband’s lunch box or briefcase.  Count your blessings and go love your family.

Miss B {Ithaca Children’s Photographer}

I’m a mom of boys.  So every once in a while, it’s fun to find a little girl who likes to dress up, and who can sport a little attitude while remaining sweet.  So I present to you Miss B — sassy, fashionable, with no front teeth!

Miss B & S-man {Ithaca Children’s Photographer}

Being an on-location photographer has its disadvantages during the winter months.  The grass is brown, the leaves are gone, life is drab.  But if you throw these two bright spots into the mix, things perk up again!  With little direction, these two cousins and friends lose themselves in their own little world.  They make each other giggle and laugh, and forget that I’m standing nearby with a camera.  All I have to do is be ready to capture the magic.  Being family members of a photographer can be a disadvantage, because one is always in danger of being recruited  for a trial run to fine-tune new ideas.  With the concepts etched in my mind, one quick stop at Country Shades Antiques and More in Tioga Center, and we had the props we needed to bring this shoot to life.

This is one of my favorites!

Devon {Owego Children’s Photographer}

Even though it was a very crisp day, Devon still sported her warm little-girl smile.  We started at the Owego Museum to capture some of their holiday charm.  Then we strolled down the street, and after asking permission, took advantage of some of the historic architecture in town.  Being almost 2, Devon had lots of wiggles.  But she posed beautifully at the perfect times, so that we could capture her joyful spirit.  We finished up her session at her house, so that we could include some images of her with her Mommy and Daddy.  Merry Christmas, Devon!  We love you, and can’t wait to watch the wonder of Christmas on your face this year!

Kyle {Owego Photographer}

Kyle’s session was a personal project for me.  A while ago, I read a tutorial on a technique I really wanted to try, and I knew I wanted to use a football player.  Remembering Kyle played football for Owego,  I contacted his mom to see if Kyle would be willing to get together.  I was super excited when she said he would!

We met after school and used the locker room at Owego Free Academy.   After Kyle checked to make sure it was safe, his mom and I went in to set up.  That Kyle was able to get his game uniform was a crowning touch.

One thing that really impressed me about Kyle was his self-assurance.  Guys he knew would come in to the locker room and see Kyle having his images taken.  As young guys do, they had their needling comments, but Kyle did not let them bother him.    The funny thing was they stayed a few minutes to watch, so I think they wished they were having such unique images taken also!  :-)   Kyle didn’t seem to be embarrassed, and we just went on doing what we set out to do.

Kyle did an amazing job, and I am really tickled with how his images came out!  They have a dramatic twist to them, which is very different for me but something I want to master.  I can just hear my Grammie saying, “But honey, you can’t see both eyes…”  That is ok though, because that is what we were working for.

Kyle, thanks so much for doing this with me.  You did an awesome job!

“Continuing education.”  ”Always learn.”  ”Stretch yourself to learn new things.”  ”Never be satisfied with where you are.”  ”Always look to grow.”  These are some of the things you hear in the professional world.  Well, I am so thankful my continuing education is not sitting in lectures taking notes, but  is hands-on learning with a super cool guy like Kyle, who is willing to hang out with me for a few minutes and allow me to learn using him!

Anthony, Heather and Max {Vestal Family Photographer}

After several delays due to weather and illness, I finally had the privilege of meeting Anthony, Heather, and Max.  One thing that was very important to them was having a very relaxed session.  They wanted their images to show them being them.  Heather chose a wonderful location for their shoot.  She passes this spot every day on her way to work and received permission to use the area for our session.

Max was a real trooper, as he was feeling a bit under the weather.  But you would never be able to tell from his boyish smile and his carefree spirit.  Max was sporting a really cool jacket that was worn by his uncle and another relative before that.  Capturing Max at this precious stage of his life, with his missing teeth and his still-little-boy features was a memory his parents wanted to preserve.

Anthony, Heather, and Max, it was a pleasure spending time with you and getting to know you.  Thank you for allowing me into your world to create these keepsakes for you!

Blessing {Ithaca Senior Photographer}

It was because of the wedding toast that wished for them a life blessed with many children.

It was because on the day of her birth she came so quickly that the midwife didn’t arrive in time for the delivery, yet her parents still felt blessed by the uncomplicated birth.

It was because her daddy took one look at his newborn daughter and announced with finality in his voice, “Her name is Blessing.”

Originally, Blessing was to be her middle name.  But because of the way her parents saw God’s hand at work during her birth, and because of their overwhelming love for this first born daughter, Blessing became her first name.  And 18 years later, they are still blessed by her and the joy she has brought into their lives.

Blessing’s creativity flows out of her as shown by her love of art and her passion for journaling.  She would like to go to college to study art or design.  One of her dreams is to design sets and costumes for theater.  So it was very appropriate that Blessing chose an abandoned one-room schoolhouse as the setting for her senior portraits.

Blessing’s mom told me that when she is nervous she smiles a lot.  And we had lots of smiles to start our session!  But by the time we were done, Blessing had relaxed and told me she had enjoyed our time together.

One of the things that impressed me the most about Blessing was her loving interactions with her siblings.  Even while in the middle of our session, she was never too busy to stop for a moment when her brother or sister vied for her attention with a question or a comment.

Blessing has such a gentle yet confident spirit about her.  She is even a favorite with all the animals.  We had a hard time keeping the cats off her lap, and the horses followed her wherever we went.  We were constantly shooing animals away so we could take her portraits!

I could go on and on about Blessing and her family.  I would love to sit in a corner and soak in the atmosphere of God’s love as shown by the way they respect, love and care for one another.  But let me just end by saying this:  Blessing, it was an honor to spend time with you.  You have been gifted in so many ways.  Always use your gifts for His glory.  Let your true self shine, and people can’t help but be drawn to you.

Cooper with his mommy&daddy{Elmira Family Photographer}

To many of you Cooper will be a familiar face due to the sessions he has had in the past.  But this time he decided to include his Mommy and Daddy.  He dressed them nicely and chose a brisk fall day for the sitting.  Nine-month-old Cooper loves his grandparents and decided that their yard was the perfect place to show off his parents.  One can tell from the images that Cooper is hoping to one day join his Daddy and Grandpa on a deer hunt.  But, happy guy that he is, he has decided he probably should learn to walk first.

Ashley {Ithaca children’s photographer}

I am so excited to introduce you to Ashley!  Becoming a teenager  is a milestone in a girl’s life, so we were able to get together to capture this special season in Ashley and her parents’ lives.   Ashley had an amazing session, but totally did it for her mom because I think there were a lot of other places she would have rather been.  However, Ashley loves her mom so much that she did her session with a great attitude!

Ashley loves music, shopping and fettucini alfredo, which, I think, was her reward for doing this session.  We started our session at St. Peter’s Village near Pottstown.  It is such a cute town but what was more amazing were the huge rocks and rushing water behind the shops.  We started our session near the water.  For those of you who have done a water session with me, you know I always warn you not to be surprised when I fall in, because it usually happens sometime during the shoot.  I think I have only done one water session where I came home dry afterwards.  Yes, I did slip in and was wet almost up to my waist, but that didn’t stop us. Although Ashley’s dad was close behind me for the rest of the session…just in case!   After a good laugh and making sure I once again saved my camera we were on our way.   After we finished there, we went up to the town and found some neat spots and cool doors to use for some unique images.

We then drove to French Creek Park and used the beautiful folliage to our advantage.  By this time Ashley was getting tired so we worked quickly. At one point, Ashley and her mom were walking to the other side of the water so I had time to talk to Nick.  You do not have to look hard to see the love that he has for his 2 girls.

Ashley’s parents have, what I think, is an amazing story.  Maybe someday I will be able to share part of it with you, like after a family session!

Ashley, thanks so much for hanging out with me and doing an amazing job!  You are beautiful both inside and outside.  Hold on to your true beauty and you will do well!

Ashley was getting chilly, so she went to her dad for snuggle time.   I loved watching them and how they interacted with each other!

S-man {Ithaca Children’s Photographer}

If you are from my area, then you know of the devastation that has been experienced here.  The flooding that happened a few weeks ago will be remembered for years to come.   It has made my heart sad, every time you drive down the streets, to see people’s lives sitting on the curb waiting for a front loader and dump truck to come haul them away.  As a mom of 3 young boys, it has been difficult for me to help with the clean up and therefore has given me a helpless kind of feeling.

Our homeschool leader sent an email one day saying she met a family in Owego affected by the flood.  The lady of the house shared how she had accepted the loss of all her belongings, but she could not accept the loss of the pictures showing her children growing up.  Her children are now 22 and 24 years old.  Our homeschool leader, Donna, asked if any of the moms would be willing to help her try to save the images that were so special to this homeowner.  Knowing how imortant pictures are to me, I volunteered to help.

Even though we were not affected personally by the flood, watching friends who lost almost everything has been overwhelming to me.  While I was washing and drying many photos from these albums, I saw images that were not perfect and not always in focus, but they were dear to someone’s heart.  I started thinking of my own kids.  I always want them to have the correct outfit, the right location, or look a certain way.  I often chose not to take an image because of distractions in the background, whether from strangers outside or a cluttered house inside.  I needed to pick up my camera again and start recording my little men as they are now, with all of our imperfections around us.

So, S-man and I went to the little creek across the street and I started shooting again.  Yes, he is wearing the outfit I chose, but old habits are hard to break.  My S-man is so special!  He turned 5 in March and is growing into a fun little man.  He has such a gentle heart and a thoughtfulness about him that I cherish.  One day he asked, “What does addicted mean?”   “It means needing something you think you can’t live without”, I replied.  ”Well, I am addicted to Jesus, and cookies-and-cream ice cream!” he informed me!  He loves sports. BMX is his favorite at this point, with baseball running a close second.  He has such a contagious belly laugh that you can’t help but join in!

I am so thankful that, out of all the moms in the world, God chose me to be S-man’s mom!  I am blessed to have this little blondie, blue eyed babe in my life.  I love him like “crazy cakes”!!

This is when you know the session is over!  ”Momma, could we just go visit with Kristi?”  He was done playing and ready to go see his big sister who had come to visit.